


you can't grow a tree from a fallen leaf

by ayebydan



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: AU, Adoption, Alcohol, Brotherhood, Dwarven Politics, Good Uncle Bilbo Baggins, Good Uncle Thorin, Implied Mpreg, Incest, M/M, Mpreg, Past-Rape, Thorin's A+ Parenting, defensive kili, fierce mama dis, good dori, good nori, kili is ori's mother, mentioned abortion, protective company
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-22
Updated: 2021-02-22
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:53:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 9
Words: 11,625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27153437
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ayebydan/pseuds/ayebydan
Summary: The first time Fili gets drunk his wayward libido turns on his brother and the consequences will mean that nothing is ever the same again. Kili spirits the child away to be raised by Dori with the help of his mother but when Thorin calls his kin to him to reclaim the Lonely Mountain everything begins to strain. When the Goblin King demands the youngest be tortured he throws himself in front of his son and from then on his secrets come out one by one.
Relationships: Bilbo Baggins/Thorin Oakenshield, Fíli/Kíli, Kili&Ori
Comments: 19
Kudos: 66





	1. the truth breaks free

**Author's Note:**

> Was in a total slump of a mood so dark prompts were calling me. This comes from this. https://hobbit-kink.livejournal.com/8478.html?thread=17781022#t17781022
> 
> Kili has a son or daughter. No one, including Fili, knows it's Fili's. Until someone finds out.
> 
> Chapter two is 90% done. Just need to fill gaps between parts of it. Then a third chap should in theory finish this off. Posting it now mostly because @celebrusc teased I hadn't finished it so excuse you mate, a whole chapter is here. 
> 
> title is from 'firethief' by Karine Polwart. Also cels' fault. That whole song is heartbreaking and if you want to know my Dis without reading more of her just listen to that. 
> 
> Of course Kili is a bit OC. CONTENT.

Fili had been drunk. The first time he ever had been. They shared a bed anyway before that. 

The house was simply too small for two but they had never shared it like _that_. Kili refuses to call it what it was. Rape. He had pleaded with his brother not to but it had fallen on drunken promises that ‘ _they say it is good brother, let me show you._ ’. And it had been winter when the stomach grew. 

Only when it becomes too much to hide does he show his mother. Not a word is spoken. He merely waits until they are the only two in the house and then pulls Dis into his room before slowly lifting his tunic. They never have enough food to cause tall and lithe Kili to have a rounded stomach but any doubt is shattered by the protrusion of what Kili thinks is a foot from his lower abdomen.

The sound she makes is like an animal and Kili does not need to say a word for her to know he never consented to a thing. 

“Who? I will spill their blood upon the floor for this!”

“No ma. I...I don’t want anyone to know. Not anyone.” 

They descend into bickering and tears. She wants to know things he refuses to tell and eventually she gives up and accepts she can only do as much as her son will allow.

“Then we can’t stay here and your Uncle will need to know if we are forced to move. The cost is-”

“I will help. Work more.”

“You won’t be able to. Not in...not much longer, son.”

His brother never asks why they move and Thorin doesn’t ask of the father. Not that Kili would ever tell. Dis merely declares them too old to share such tight quarters and moves them to a new house and if Fili is too busy being of age and getting drunk to notice them drinking tea and his mother crying well that is on him. Kili’s voice never betrays him but eventually the way he flinches and sinks in on himself whenever Fili comes home drunk does.

“His beard, I will have it and I will throw him-”

“No, you won’t. He didn’t know.”

“He is your brother.”

“He didn’t know me from anyone.”

She sobs and slams the table and curses the Makers for making her Kili have to grow up to be an adult like _this_. “What are you going to do when it-”

“I have a friend. Dori. If we provide for it I-”

“Kili please!”

“I have made my decision. Fili….he didn’t let me choose. Please mother?”

Dis sobs but meets the Ri brother the following day. Arrangements are made. When Kili goes into labour her heart breaks but she hands the child over at Kili’s insistence. He doesn’t even look at it.

He can’t. If he did he would snatch the baby back and never let it go no matter how it came to him 

“Ori,” Dori names him somberly and Dis cries more before promising that whenever the boy hopes for a craft she will pay for it. If she has to cut her weddings beads and sell them she will see it done. Thorin cries for one of the few times that Kili ever witnesses and adds his own promise that the Ri family cannot be saved from hardship but they will have everything spare his family can give.

Decades later Kili is fully grown when her brother calls all dwarrow to him. She thinks her heart breaks more than Kili’s when Ori is among them. 

For Kili it doesn’t come out until the tunnels when they think Ori is the youngest and Kili screams until they take him instead. 

Ori has questions after that. Questions Kili won’t answer as they make their way down from the Carrock. Questions Kili glowers at him for even asking. It is not until the skinchangers that he can confront the older dwarf properly.

“You’re a Prince. You made them take you. Why?”

Kili smiles and shrugs, “Master Ori you’re a scribe! I couldn’t let them-”

“That is not it! I’m stronger than I look and Dori is being weird. And so is Nori! Ever since I was born Nori has ….well he ain’t been troubled. Something off is afoot. Tell me!”

Kili’s face falls and he gestures a hand towards the other dwarf, “ Don’t ask ok? Please.”

“WHY?!”

“Because you do not want the answers I have. So don’t seek them, Master Ori. Don’t seek them.”

And in that moment, from not far enough away, Fili sees the golden in Ori’s mixed hair and the fire in the eyes far too much like Kili’s and he looks to his brother who chokes and tells his - their?- Ori to mind his own. 

And something in Fili dies. 

*_*_*

“He is ours isn’t he? That night I-”

“Silence your throat before I cut it myself.”

It is the coldest Fili has ever heard his brother and he reaches and puts a hand on a hip only for a sharp blade to be in his face a moment later, “I said silence. If you ever, _ever_ , cared….stay quiet.”

“Thorin should-”

“Thorin _does_ ,” hisses Kili as he pulls his blade back, “Or do you think patching clothes and petty thieving pay a scribe’s education?”

Fili falls quiet and goes back to whittling the wood between his hands with a knife as Kili returns his gaze to the fire. The young Durin had sought the outdoor fire for a smoke and some peace and has only found confrontation and horrible memories instead. The fact that Fili has not returned to the house does not reassure him at least their- Ori. At least Ori has retreated inside.

“How did you hide it?”

“Was a harsh winter. Layers and being a skinny shit anyway.”

“Why did you hide it?”

“You don’t actually expect me to answer that one do you?”

Fili tries once more and perhaps this question is the more important one, “Why didn’t you leave? Or tell them I-”

The laughter is bitter and wrong and Fili hates that it comes from his brother. More so he hates that it comes because of him. “Where would I go and what reasons would I give? Mahal you really do have rocks for brains. What would it have accomplished other than breaking mother’s heart? And brokenhearted she really would have spilled your blood as she promised me.”

“She-she-”

“Oh she knows. Mother knows everything. So before you get any rockheaded ideas about telling _him_. Or worse, claiming him, know that mother will split you from forehead to balls if you reveal a damn thing and not because of you. For _me_. You took my innocence brother but you _will_ leave me my dignity.”

And then Kili is gone and Fili is left alone by the fire.


	2. of ori and finding what he needs to know

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fili does as asked. Kili doesn't believe him. Ori decides to find answers one way or the other.

Thorin glowers at him over breakfast and Fili knows Kili has spoken to him. No one else pays them much mind as they are all too familiar with Durin family spats to think it anything serious. Kili is painfully normal and Fili wonders just how he has been able to endure it all for so long. Fili is not as strong as his brother and would have broken years ago. He could not have endured tumbles and wrestling matches with the one who… Fili can’t even think about it. For years he had put it out of his mind but the reminder is sitting halfway down the table getting jam stuck in his fingerless gloves in his hurry to eat huge chunks of warm bread. 

“More wood is required for the fires. I would test my recovery. You will accompany me, Fili.”

He nods to his Uncle because there is no other option and he wonders if the truth and the fear of it shows on his face the way it does not on any of the others. 

They have to borrow axes which make many of the animals meep and run but their host assures them it is fine and he does the same when needs must. Fli can’t shake the feeling that he is a villain. It has nothing to do with his current task. 

“So he told you.”

“More I found out. I saw them. I-I guess I remembered and put it all together and then-”

“It matters not sister-son. You will leave them be.”

“Thorin I-”

“You will leave them be!” Thorin snarls. His words are backed up by the heavy axe in his hands and for the first time in his life Fili thinks he might just use it against him. “You have done enough. I care not for your feelings, Flli. Do nothing. Say nothing.”

“I-”

“I was not asking, Fili.”

*_*_*_*

Ori knows that something is different and his gut tells him he is involved. So if he takes to listening to and watching the royal family for the day then so be it. 

Kili acts normal.

Thorin acts as normally as Thorin ever does. 

Fili is decidedly on edge.

That is not the Durin brother that Ori had expected to be _off_ so it convinces him even more that something is going on. The day is strained for him as he tries to observe the Company. By late afternoon he sees Fili disappear with water buckets and a large group of laundry at Dori’s insistence and follows along as quietly as he can. Which in his case is not all that quietly. 

It quickly becomes apparent that Fili is trying and failing to act as if nothing has happened. He talks about the size of dish plates and the sweetness of honey and never ever meets Ori’s eyes. Something is different. Ori feels a burning in his gut. He _needs to know_.

“Are you angry that Kili took my place? Because I promise I didn’t-”

“NO,” shouts Fili, nearly upending one of the buckets at the pool in front of him, “Mahal, of course not! Kili...I...we have trained for this our whole lives and you are so-”

Kili appears out of nowhere before he finds the answers that he seeks.

“Lads! This a private party or can anyone join?”

“It was a private outing of one,” mumbles Fili while ringing out one of Oin’s tunic with more force than Ori suspects is needed. Dori certainly won’t appreciate the strain on the fabric. Nothing to note on a normal day but today is not normal. Nothing has been normal since Kili’s anguished cries and the torturous screams that followed as he took lashes meant for Ori. 

Ori knows he won’t get the answers he seeks like this so excuses himself and then as soon as he is sure that the Durin brothers are occupied with each other he throws himself to the ground and edges back towards them to listen to their conversation.

“I told you to leave him be,” Ori hears Kili whisper harshly.

“He followed me! I didn’t tell him anything! Something we apparently have in common.”

Ori nearly gasps and gives himself away when the unmistakable sound of a slap echoes throughout the shrubbery, “Don’t you dare compare us in that manner! You know damn well why he doesn’t know! Why he can’t know! This is why you were never told outside of my plain not wanting _you_ to know. You are already on a path of self-destruction and you’re going to take me with you! It has been less than a day! I thought Thorin spoke to you!”

“I _said_ that I didn’t _tell him_.”

“You best keep it that way!”

“You mean for me to act like nothing has changed?!”

“I have managed it for decades and you will too. Besides if you want to blame someone for your ignorance you might want to start with taking a good look in that bucket!,” snarls Kili and Ori has never heard such anger and vitriol between the princes before. Questions start to circle his bright mind. Things that have never added up now push at the forefront of his skull like a dull knock looking for his attention. Other questions he has put to people and not had answers that fit like the whole timescale of his entire life. Everything about his _mother_. That sad way Dori looks at him sometimes. 

“I was drunk!”

“Of that, brother, I am more than aware. It was I who lived with the consequences, remember?”

Oh. Oh Mahal. Suddenly it hits Ori with the force of an angry Oliphant. 

He is looking at his parents.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you think ori works it out too well just go with it. this is a blowing off steam piece and if i spend too long on specifics i won't finish it and id really like to finish something so.


	3. between kili and ori

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Over the course of a few evenings, Ori pulls some truths from Kili. And confesses his own fears as to where that means he falls within his adopted family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Obviously ages have to be altered because pregnancy. Hoping to just gloss over that and move on. Though if you do think there are other questions and such that should be asked do comment and I'll have a dwarf ask! Next chap, Gloin is going to get the wrong end of the stick. Aka the rest of the company find out. Or that is the plan anyway. This fic is doing its own thing.

Ori is not sure how he means to start the conversation but as soon as he dumps the huge tankard of ale at Kili’s side, pleased to note very little spills over, and sits on the log next to him while blurting out “There are herbs you could have used” escapes him he knows that wasn’t the right way to go about it. That and not ambushing his mother hours after he thinks he _might_ have worked out the truth of his own beginning. 

The way Kili ignores him for several moments confirms Ori is right but still he curses himself. 

There are fewer ways he could have got that wrong. 

Kili continues to sharpen his sword with this stone and stare into the fire, almost ignoring his son’s presence entirely for several minutes until he speaks, “They were not for me. No matter the circumstances in which you came to me, I loved you from the moment I knew you were there. It is a choice for others and one I will always support but it was not for me.”

“I have been nothing but a burden.”

“No, no, Ori you have been nothing but my reason. I knew you _could_ withstand the pain in the Goblin tunnels but as your...I....you’re my reason. I will never let anything hurt you if putting me between that and you is an option.”

Somewhere between the start of his sentence and the end he turns from the fire and looks at his son and Ori feels both his throat and stomach feel weird. The eyes are the ones he sees each time he has a mirror or clear water. He is constantly told he has a small nose and is very thin. All clues everyone missed because they don’t want to see the truth in front of them. It is so painfully obvious now that he knows. Finding the silence uncomfortable Kili sets his sword aside at his feet and turns his body around further to face Ori more.

“You are strong, Ori. I saw you with the hammer. I never meant to shake your honour by implying otherwise. I-I could never muster the strength to do that. No that comes from-”

“My father. Fili!,” Ori spits and Kili blinks before shaking his head slowly. 

“I was going to say that it comes from your grandmother. Dis. A mightier dwarrowdam I doubt there has never been. Though I guess by….definition,” his voice drops off and his eyes drop too. Ori feels horrible. 

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to remind you of-”

Kili is suddenly in his personal space with his hands grasping Ori’s own gloved ones, “Never, ever, apologise to me. Not about any of this. Not ever.”

“If you hadn’t jumped in. If we hadn’t argued and Fili….Would you have ever told me?”

Kili flinches and turns back to the fire. His face is set in a frown but Ori is thankful for the honesty when it comes, “I don’t know. Honestly. I was so...so young, Ori. I was never thinking that many steps ahead. And then others were trying to do it for me while I fought for control and-”

“What do you mean? Who did you have to fight? Dori? Thorin?”

Kili huffs and runs a hand through his hair before reaching for the ale, “You are going to need to stop interrupting me. Too impatient. That at least, I can claim. And I shouldn’t have said that. But I did so I guess I need to finish my stories. Both? And my mother? Dwarrow are proud, Ori and your education was not cheap. There were several times Dori and Nori sought to pull you from school and send you to the mines. I made sure that didn’t happen. How in Mahal’s name you have a brain with….” And his voice stutters and breaks and lowers and Ori feels guilty for asking, “With parents like yours I don’t know. But it needed to be put to use. You deserved it and so did the world. Sometimes that meant sacrifice. It was always worth it.”

Ori does not know what to say to that but thinks he might have an idea when Kili rolls his eyes and takes another hearty swig of ale, “Although that fancy education did get you signed up for this suicide mission so maybe I should have let you go be a miner!”

And for the first time since the Goblin tunnels, Ori truly smiles. 

*_*_*_*_**_*

Ori does not push his, well, his Amad he gathers. But each night Kili is outside on his own and Ori goes to him. They do not speak of how Kili is there waiting and Ori tries not to sound desperate for information. Fili makes himself scarce around both of them during the day and Ori is grateful for that. 

He does not need Kili or his father to state it aloud to know that consent was not involved.

Still, he can’t help wondering aloud to Kili about if there was no other way for him to be kept. Another father to be claimed? Could his grandmother not have claimed him? Just how old is he anyway? How many lies is his life _built on_? 

“Do you know how many assassination attempts I have survived? Too many. My age. Our situation. If there had been a way to safely keep you I would have. It broke my mother’s heart to give you away but you were cherished. I promise you that. I’m older than you think. Obviously. I...I don’t think I should tell you how old. Just know that I am alright now. He can’t hurt me anymore. He never has since. He’s my brother and it is...complex.”

Ori blinks and takes a sup of his ale. It is a heavy topic to start their conversation but then it needs to be had all the same. 

“I had been wondering that. How I ended up where I did. If they knew. _What_ they knew. I’ve not said anything, of course. Now that I- well now I know….things.”

Kili looks distressed and pulls his knees up towards him before wrapping his arms around them. 

He cannot look at his son. 

“Ori, I put you in the safest family I could. With a friend. A friend who had a mother no one would question having another child. We all knew she would not survive that winter. She was already sick. Claiming she passed birthing you gave you a home and family and protection. With a thief who knew everything before anyone as your elder. I...I cared as much as it was safe for either of us.”

“So my brothers knew. I mean my. They.”

With that Kili unfolds his long limbs and moves to sit by Ori and wraps a tentative arm around the younger dwarrow’s shoulder, “Your brothers, Ori. They raised you and love you as such. Knowing who I am does not change their love for you, nor their place in your life. It was Dori who named you. He tried to find a name that fitted...both of us.”

“I don’t know what to feel about any of this,” Ori confesses softly. 

“I’m sorry. By Mahal, I would spare you this pain if I could.”

And _that_ is what brought them here. And that is what makes Ori cuddle into the older male and sob. Kili pulls his overcoat free and lies it under them before pulling Ori to his chest and letting him relax into him. To let it out. Circumstances be damned, he is glad to have his Amad now. A part of him he always felt was missing yet within reach.


	4. of jumping to incorrect answers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ori and Kili fall asleep outside and many jump to the wrong conclusions. 
> 
> This leads Kili to recognise all is going to come out so it is best to do it his way. Fili attempts to be of aid.
> 
> Then Ori asks about his birth.

The problem is that Kili and Ori fall asleep that way, arm in arm by the fire, and are found the following morning by Gloin who roars loud enough to be heard in Erabor itself. He has Ori by the arm and is pulling him away as the younger dwarf howls before Kili can fully become aware of himself. 

“You _dare_ touch the Prince! You _dare_ defile what is not yours you son of a whore!”

Within seconds the full Company is on the grounds in front of Beorn’s home and Gloin is rolling in the dirt holding his face from where Kili has soundly punched him in the face. When he attempts to rise he finds Fili’s rage and one of his swords, “Stay down!”

Kili scrambles around in the dirt until he has his own sword between Ori, himself and the others, “What in Mahal’s name is going on?”

Thorin meets his eyes and then lowers his head and something inside Kili falls apart at his Uncle’s words, “Secrets have their ways of being found, sister-son. Perhaps it is best they come out at our own-”

“It is not your right!” Kili snarls. It feels like a betrayal. Thorin should have _done something_. “The lot of you are busybodies! Shame on the lot of you. There is nothing between Ori and me in the sort you think. Be gone the bloody lot of you!”

“Kili-”

“Thorin. Leave them. Nothing wrong has happened _here_ this night. We both know that. If things are to come out it is not our choice,” Fili pleads. And for some reason, that makes the other start to return to the house until it is only the four of them left. Dori and Nori look too knowing. Too _aware_ but neither Ori nor Kili can handle that right now. Bilbo rings his hands together and then offers Kili a smile and a nod before scarperring away. The Ur family retreats in bewilderment but the others can be heard bickering on their way back towards the cottage and Kili knows it will not go away. Not now. 

Maybe this has all been inevitable since he took Ori’s place in the Misty Mountains. Mahal, he cannot regret those actions though. 

Looking between the three of them Thorin eventually nods and backs off. Fili fails to meet their eyes but offers his sword for a moment, “I’ll bring you some tea and breakfast and then keep them back.”

Neither says thank you. 

To his credit Fili does not seem to be listening for any gratitude.

“No one needs to know anything. It is not any of their business to know anything! And I do _not_ appreciate being forced to tell anyone outside of the family who raised you and mine a damn thing!” 

Ori agrees, for the most part, but he thinks that Thorin might have a point too. Can it really all be shoved back under the rug now? _Is_ it better not to come out while they are safe and at peace and have the time to digest it? Thorin has indicated they can spare a decent week or two of time in this peaceful place to recover and plan ahead. The eagles had taken quite the time off their quest. 

Kili shrugs out of most of his layers until he is left in a tunic and breeches before throwing himself down onto the ground again where the remains of their fire are long petered out. Thinking most had been removed last night it stuns the younger dwarrow for a second to realise just how slim Kili really is. Ori takes care to mind the links of chainmail his - Kili - wears and settles down beside him once more. The other dwarrow seems lost in his own thoughts so Ori takes the time to observe. Again. So much time has been stolen from them, from them both, that Ori grasps at it greedily like it is pure mithril. He can now see the long thin limbs and softer features in himself. He can find the things he never found in Dori or Nori. 

It comforts him. 

The rest, he supposes, he will need to look to Fili for and even perhaps Thorin. Dis even. Something tugs in his navel when he thinks of her. The strong dwarrowdam who allows him to wield a hammer and if Kili’s statements that fly wildy around his upbringing are true then she is also the one who allows him to wield a quill. 

His musings are disrupted by his other parent who awkwardly lowers a truly ludicrously sized teapot to the ground alongside two equally ridiculous cups and a stack of toasted slices of bread. A pot of honey and a spoon appear from a pocket.

“Try not to wear most of it this morning, eh?”

The joke falls flat and Fili’s face falls before recedes to somewhere between them and the house as promised and Ori hears Kili let out a pained breath behind him. 

“Everything has changed. I-I will tell them as much as you desire.”

Kili sets about pouring tea for something to do with his hands and Ori lets his gaze drift towards the golden-haired dwarf now sitting a distance away sharpening his twin-swords. 

Like a warning to give space. 

“You can go ask him questions if you want,” murmurs Kili gesturing in the direction of brother. Ori’s _father_. Mahal. “I do not know what answers you will get. I did not want you to know at first. I admit that. Not because of shame in myself or you. But because I don’t think any dwarrow wants to think that is what forged them. Also, he did not know until well….you did really. So I don’t know what he could tell you but I don’t mind if you want to-”

“ _No_!” Ori snaps. “He hurt you!”

“Yes. That does not mean that he does not have answers you might desire. That does not erase the decades you spent together.”

“Tainted. Wrong,” Ori whines as he lathers honey onto bread and shoves it into his mouth to buy himself time.

“I was there for all of it,” Kili eventually says and it takes Ori a moment to realise the emotion he hears is _hurt_. Kili and Fili. Fili and Kili. Never one without the other. To taint his memories of one parent is to taint everything. 

Ori no longer feels so hungry.

He does not know his Amad could do that so instead of asking that question he asks another.

“How was I um, born?”

Kili does not turn red as Ori fears. Instead he almost curls in on himself, one hand almost clawing around his lower abdomen subconsciously, “Well I assure you that no matter what the gossips say about my beard and such I _am_ a male dwarrow.”

“I-I know that. But I don’t know. I mean. Dori kept me very….sheltered, I suppose. Not ideal for a scribe. I mean I have _never_ ,” splutters Ori, to Kili’s general amusement for a second before he gets all serious again. It doesn’t look right on his face, Ori thinks. 

“You had no need for such knowledge and aye I suppose he would try that given...well given everything. I - we- those of us who can.. Males that is and there are not many but then our line has always been able to. I guess no one said at the time because. Anyway. There is no….way out other than. _Mahal sorry_ ,” Kili groans as his face loses all colour, “The pain comes. Like in a dwarrowdam. Tells….it told me you were ready to….be fully forged. I - we- I knew Dori before and we had spoken of it. I went to the house. With the pains. Ma came. Sh-she.”

“You don’t have to tell me.”

“You deserve to know,” Kili snaps, “ When it reaches a certain point you just….know. They knew. You were sat a certain way. Inside. So they heat a blade and they cut me and...there you were. Ma pulled you free and put you in Dori’s arms and he named you.”

Ori has honey all over his clothes again. Ori has honey everywhere. He is staring at Kili in horror because Kili does not sound like himself anymore. He barely sounds like a dwarf. It all sounds _horrendous_.

Ori stares at the arm covering Kili’s abdomen where he just knows a horrendous scar must linger and then he is on his feet and running.


	5. a plan of a prince

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kili has a plan to get Ori his due. Fili agrees. Thorin needs time. Ori just wants his Amad to be ok. 
> 
> Sacrifice is needed all ways. 
> 
> Who deserves to give and who will have to are not the same.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Really going with the idea that whomever births the child is the Amad in my verse. If Fili seems meek, I do hope I conveyed with Dis and then later chaps that in my dwarven culture Fili would have been shamed and killed if people knew what happened and how it happened. Basically of course I am winging Middle Earth here, the whole thing is Fili Kili baby fic. Would really like to hear your thoughts on Kili's plan to fix all this. 
> 
> Dori and Nori will appear soon. The Durins just keep talking at me.

The tears blurring Ori’s vision mean he falls right over Fili who scrambles to help him back to his feet until they meet in an odd stare off. Fili pulls him slowly to his feet as Ori trembles.

“Are you hurt?” Fili then demands intensely, a firm grip on his son’s right arm and one they both recognise will not be relinquished until he has answers. 

Ori shakes his head.

“And….Kili?”

Another shake. “No...he’s...Amad’s fine.”

Fili barely holds back a flinch but Ori’s dark eyes are pooling with tears and he is shifting from one foot to the other with clear anxiety. 

“Okay. You are crying. Ori, let me help-”

“Don’t touch me, you bastard!”

And then he flees. Because he does not know what he feels about Fili right now but his loyalty to his Amad his sinking into his very bones like with any dwarrow and Kili’s defence is becoming his everything. 

*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*

Fili is still staring after Ori when Kili drops his gear and the rest of his breakfast at their feet.

“Seems we need to talk, brother. And not so much as brothers. Too bad there isn’t ale this time of the morning though I do recall that is what got us into-”

“Kili. For Ori. He ran past me crying and hysterical. Let us not,” Fili pleads softly. Kili scoffs and pours Ori’s discarded tea out one mug before making some for Fili and shoving it towards him. 

“Thank you. For the tea.”

“And the son? Made that for you too,” Kili murmurs, and as much as the frozen expression on Fili’s face amuses him it does nothing to move things along. “He was hysterical because he asked about his forging day. Dori has managed to keep him very innocent of the world. He never realised that when male dwarrow’s have to give birth the blade is needed. Anyway. Things are going to come out. So. That is the worst for you. We need a plan. Or a speech. Or something. _Anything_.”

“Or something,” wheezes Fili, still coming to terms with the whole thing himself, never mind the idea of explaining it. _He has a child. He raped his brother. His brother was cut open because of him_. Fili feels lightheaded and ill and then hates himself for it because he has no right.

“If you were not the Heir and not my brother I would shave you myself. Mahal, I would have let mother do it. I would have let her gut you skull to balls as she promised. But that was then,” Kili declares cheerfully while negotiating a thick globe of honey back onto his bread, “Alas, conditions and circumstances.”

“I am not sure what you want from me, Kili. But I will happily give it. I recognise my crime. If you desire my beard it is yours to strip from me.”

“I do not need recognition of your crime. I need recognition of our son. As your Heir. Claim me as your Husband,” states Kili with more calmness than Fili has ever heard from them in their near-century together.

“ _What?!_ ”

“Braid my hair. Claim us wed. Make him your Heir,” Kili states firmly once more as he prepares more bread. During none of this does he look at Fili who looks to him in horror. Tea falls onto the grass from his cup utterly unnoticed. As does the splashes against Fili’s tunic.

“Kili, have you lost your-”

A knife to his throat stops Fili’s tirade and finally Kili’s dark eyes meet Fili’s blue ones, “You know very well what I lost, Fili. You took it. The company is going to know everything soon enough and that is too soon for my liking but sibling marriages are not outlawed among our people. Claim me as your Husband. Recognise Ori as your Son. _Our_ son. Young star-crossed lovers, who hid a child to keep them safe sounds better than rape does it not?”

Fili gulps against the blade, “ Ori will not want this.”

“Ori….Ori will never be a Master in Erabor as the child of Ri. Not in the way he was back home. We both know this. But he is so brilliant. So brilliant, Fili. Better than either of us. Better than either of us deserve to have forged. Neither of us is clever and yet he is a _scribe_ for Mahal’s sake. You simply do not deserve to go on and get some pretty little wife to forge children with. Ori will be your only child. Claim that we hid him for youth and safety over us being lost Durins. Claim anything that is not the truth. I will talk him into it. I’ll plead to Thorin. Mother will follow my lead like she did when she saw me swell with your child. So what say you?”

“Aye,” Fili gulps, “ I say aye.”

“But know you will-”

“I expect nothing. Ori is...all we shall share between us.”

Kili drops the knife. “Then we have an understanding, brother. Our centuries will clear your childish _mishaps_. And our sacrifices will unburden our son. Don’t do anything until I talk to Thorin. And then Ori. And. In fact, just keep yourself to yourself until I tell you otherwise.”

Fili watches Kili begin to devour his breakfast and comments, “You’ve grown into a strong Dwarrow.”

Kili merely continues to eat with a shrug of his shoulders. It has been decades since he feared his brother.

His time playing a role is over.

*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*

“You are fools. Leave me to think,” is all Thorin states before he shakes his head and seeks his own time with the burglar.

Kili takes that as a positive as his Uncle retreats from the stove they had been tending together. A thick vegetable stew is on the simmer and part of Kili is proud that he has been entrusted with the task as simple as it may be. Previously his task has been to find things _for_ the pot and certainly not to involve himself with it. 

He is in the middle of stirring it when the heavy door opens once more and Ori shuffles into the room. They glance at one another and Kili returns his gaze to the stew in order to offer his son a chance to flee if he has stumbled across his Amad by accident. 

“I am so sorry about this morning. I just- I knew I was going to cry and I didn’t want to shame you by doing it. What you did. I can’t imagine being that strong. The line of Durin are legend and so strong and I-I-I-”

“Should proudly be known as one of us. And I cry plenty. Mostly over how my hair refuses to take decent braids and frustration when people upset your grandmother. So does your….well him. Less the braid thing. You have his hair and I won’t pretend I am not happy about that. And your grandmother cries though most of the time that is frustration at me and...him again. Sometimes it is over what she has lost but she always tried to not let us see that. And sometimes I think...well you. She would love you. She will,” murmurs Kili, still staring at the stew but this time in irritation as he feels something stick to the bottom of the pot and scrubs a little harder with the spoon in his hand. 

Ori’s laughter and the scraping of a wooden stool closer to the stove is what brings the older dwarrow’s gaze up. Both are secure in the thickness of the walls and doors of Beorn’s strange home in giving them privacy to speak freely. “I can’t be a Durin! I can’t make the legendary _Dis_ happy! I’m just-”

“You’re not just anything,” Kili breaks in, almost harshly if he thinks on it, “You’re my son. I am _proud_ to be your Amad. I have already spoken to both Fili and Thorin. I want you recognised as part of the family.”

Ori takes a sharp intake of breath and when words fail him reaches out to tug on the sleeve of Kili’s tunic. Brown eyes meet those so similar and Kili sighs and gestures for Ori to give him a moment while he lowers the heat on the stove and can turn his body towards the other dwarf and give him his full attention. 

Ori moves to speak and then just wordlessly gestures towards Kili.

“I have asked that Fili to braid my hair with marriage beads and claim you as his Heir. Our Heir. I have told your Uncle Thorin of my request. Fili has agreed. But there is no point endangering you if Thorin does not recognise you also.”

Of all the parts of his statement which Ori gets flustered about Kili would be the first to admit it is not him murmuring _Your Uncle Thorin. My Uncle Thorin_ to himself several times that he expects. 

With nothing better to do Kili simply continues on with his justifications.

“Aye. Sibling marriages are not unheard of in Royal lines. If we tell people I fell pregnant too early and with us without a home and in danger meaning that we hid you in safety? I think it would be believed. It will be. You will be Fili’s Heir and be able to take your Mastery in Erabor as you deserve. And one day take the Th-”

“Do not say that word! I….I might faint! That does not explain you pair! Or why it would only come out now!”

“Safety,” repeats Kili grimly, before continuing, “But with a reclaimed Erebor Fili could claim me in safety and you as well. His family.”

Ori pales and then is on his feet and pacing, “He has no claim over us. Over _you_! No! I won’t have it! I won’t let him hurt you again! No, Amad!”

“I assure you, Fili is no match for now that I am fully grown. You will be our only child. This I have made very clear to him. I-I didn’t think people would find out. The company or you. But now they have and things are different,” rambles Kili, reeling from being called _amad_ face to face by his child in defence for the first time. 

It feels _wonderful_.

“ _Why_?”

Killi blinks, startled out of his trance, and reaches towards Ori before pulling him gently into a soft embrace, “Because I love you. And I will give you the world, and everything that is your right and earned and deserved, if you only let me.”


	6. of brothers and uncles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ori talks with family. First Dori and then Thorin.

Dori keeps asking if he is alright after his talk with Kili and in the end, Ori snaps. 

“I know that you are not my brother! By birth I mean. I know about Amad. _My_ Amad I mean. Kili. We have been talking. Oh, Mahal, I am doing this all wrong!”

Dori loses all colour in his face and seems to reach towards Ori before thinking better of it. When Ori sees this his eyes water and he reaches towards the older dwarf.

“I- I’m sorry, Ori. I was never sure when this day would come to us. I confess myself not ready for it. But you will always be my brother to me. If you will have me. Us,” Dori states softly, whilst gesturing towards a shocked Nori. Ori does not know if that is because Nori did not know or because he did not expect it all to come out. 

Either way, it overwhelms him. 

Ori snorts and wipes his nose on the edge of his cardigan, “Don’t be rockheaded, Dori. I’ am not losing any family in this. Just deciding if it is worth gaining any. I would stay with you and Nori if anyone made me choose! You are all I have ever known! And I can guess well enough about the gold and such. I don’t care!”

“Yer ma-”

“Please don’t call him that.”

“It won’t change who he is to you lad,” Nori offers with a smile that is all him. Half love and half willing to smuggle Ori out in the night.

“I know but I think he would shoot you if you called him by that to his face! I think well-” Ori breaks off and looks at the floor, “I think he is still coming to terms with me saying it. Knowing it. All that.”

“Come here you,” asks Dori softly and Ori happily falls into his arms, “Is that where you have been all these nights? With Kili?”

“Aye. My ...my Amad. I can think of him as that now. I try to. Been asking questions. Some good. Some….some really not good.”

“Aye lad,” murmurs Dori as he pets at Ori’s hair, “He was so young. So painfully _young_. Our- I mean. Anyway. Ma. My ma. She...she had a reputation and the Durins were friends. I never meant to hurt you, little one.”

Ori is not sure what to say or do other than to cling to Dori and say in honesty, “I never felt hurt. I felt loved.”

*_*_*_*_*_*

Leaving Beorn’s feels awkward when the whole company is aware that half knows something that the other does not. Thorin is their leader though and he demands that they march on. Aid from Beorn is appreciated and it allows them one last night before the enter the realm of the Elvenking that Thorin so detests. 

For the first time, Fili and Kili sleep apart. Fli lies by Thorin and Kili by Gloin and Oin.

In a moment alone with Thorin, as their watches crossover, Ori takes courage from the darkness. “So if you knew...is that the only reason you let me come? Pathetic little Ori.”

Thorin stares at him for a second and then shakes his head while pulling his blanket closer to the perch Ori has clearly stalked him from, making his way across the campsite. The rest of their Dwarrow lie sound asleep and Thorin takes a deep breath and resigns himself to a sleepless night before getting to his feet. The blankets he pulled towards him he pulls further away and gestures Ori with him until they can sit and form their own small fire together. It is near enough to keep watch but far enough for privacy. 

Without prompting Thorin continues his tale;

“Far from it. I did not want you coming at all. I know you are less weapon trained than many. I did not want you hurt. Those boys are like children to me so that makes you….well a granddwarfling. An honour and a privilege I never thought I would see,” comments Thorin softly as he adjusts around Ori so that the younger dwarf is on principle watch and he himself can relax. “And I certainly did not want Kili distracted trying to protect you. Such as happened in the mountains. So many times he has roared at us with his arguments over you, young one. We argued for weeks deciding your place in the company! He is very stubborn. From what Dori and Nori tell me you take that from him too. Mahal, help us all. And I worried in my own right. And had my sister box my ears over it many a night.”

“Then why?”

“Balin insisted you were the best. Dis has never been prouder,” says Thorin, adding a moment later, “Nor have I. We are called _rock-headed Durins_ because they say we are good in battle and _not_ in diplomacy or writing or reading as such. To have one of us so skilled in the art is a mighty thing. Dis ….I cannot tell you of her or our pride. But if we claim the Mountain hopefully she can one day tell you herself.”

Thorin is meant to take himself to bed but instead, he spends the hours until the rest of the camp wakes talking with Ori about their plans for the Mountain. On top of that, he tells him all the things he can remember of Dis and Frerin and the rest of their Kin when well. When the sun peers at them over the trees Ori yawns and Thorin glances towards their dwelling before laying a firm hand on Ori’s shoulder.

“I do not know if this will comfort you but know it regardless. Fili has never laid a hand on his brother since the night Kili endured more than any dwarrow should and we were gifted you. He will not touch him again and if he did he is well aware his life is forfeit.”

Ori shudders at the implications and as he sets to wake Bomb so he can get the breakfast pot on, Thorin makes him think once more. “He can grow a beard you know. Kili. Your Amad. He chooses not to. Mourning. The life he might have had with you if things were different.”


	7. interrogation and imprisonment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Company finds out. Fili sticks to the plan. Then Mirkwood happens. Ori is less than impressed by any of it.

In the end it comes out due to people listening where they should not and whispers travelling where they have no business. 

Or that's what Bilbo Baggins thinks. 

Not that many tend to ask him for his opinion even if he is better thought of within the Company these days. The whole debacle is ruining their last breakfast before they enter the cursed forest that stands before them and if Bilbo was not so afraid of Thorin and Thorin did not look so _thunderous_ well then he might have said something himself. 

As such he deems it safer to sit and watch things unfold as he slowly works his way through a pair of apples. 

“When were you planning on telling us that Fili and Kili had a child?”

Fili’s head snaps around to Dwalin so fast his braids whip across his face. Kili drops his waterskin with a half-shriek. Thorin glowers, “I did not plan on telling you at all. That is not my place. How came you by this information?

“Woke up during the night. Heard you talking to Ori. Guards need sharp ears you know,” states Drawlin roughly, his gaze firm as whispers break out amongst the company. The Ur family openly gape between Ori and his parents until the dwarrow shivers and moves around the breakfast campfire to stand behind his Amad. 

“You’re not suggesting that Ori is Kili and Fili’s son?” Balin demands as he stares down his brother. 

Dwalin shakes his head but before Balin can fully form a smile it is knocked from his face at his brother’s next words, “Don’t need to suggest. Heard the lad talking to Thorin all about it and calling him Uncle. And now given it is my duty to protect the Durin line I want to know why there is a whole other Prince I have not been told about. In general, as your folk we have a right to know Thorin.”

“This is absurd,” Bofur snaps, “Kili isn’t old enough to have forged a bairn!”

“He is old enough...in theory. But he would have been...surely not?” Balin ponders, his harsh gaze turning on Fili who fears he is far too close to the truth. Ori’s future flashes before his eyes. Son of a rapist unable to use his craft or a Prince of Erabor standing proudly at Thorin’s side. 

It all rests in Fili’s hands. 

“We didn’t mean for it to happen,” he finds himself saying, his brothers gaze like dragonfire on the side of his face as he addresses the elder dwarrow, “We didn’t think it could. And things were so dangerous back then. We...we didn’t think we could protect Ori. We hid him with the Ri family so we could keep him safe. Kili is my husband. My One. We hid that for safety too. If-if people knew then surely they would think killing one of us could end the line.”

Gloin’s pipe lies on the ground discarded in shock.

“You just left him? Forge a bairn when practically still one yourself and then foist him off on the Ri brothers! What sort of mother are you?” Bombur roars towards Kili who flinches and that is quite enough for Bilbo Baggins. 

He finds himself on his feet in front of the dwarven cook pointing his fingers firmly at his chest.

“Kili has cared for Ori as a mother should! He would make any Hobbit proud! I won’t have anyone talk of him badly. No, I won’t stand for it at all. He did the most important thing a mother can do! Kept his child safe!”

“You don’t understand a damn thing! You know nothing of what happened back then” Fili hisses which strikes Kili as ironic because neither does he. But the way his brother had moved to stand in front of him when he said it and how it means they stand unified as a family of three seems to sway the group. Bofur smiles widely before punching Bombur soundly on the arm and telling him to drop the matter. 

“Who knew?”

“Kili, Fili, myself and Dis. Dori and Nori.”

“No others,” Dwalin demands but those named merely shake their heads.

“We trusted no other with our most guarded treasure,” Thorin states softly as he meets Ori’s tearful eyes. 

“And the lad didn’t know?”

“No,” Kili croaks, his mouth dry and his nerve shot, “ It was too risky. It would be decades before he could be trusted to stay quiet about it and by then….well given no one could know and he was happy I-we-”

“It really is none of your business beyond what has already been said,” Dori breaks in firmly. “Now if you are quite done harassing this young family I do believe that we have places to be.  
“

“Dori’s right. Pack your things and get moving,” Thorin snarls to the relief of Kili and Ori. 

Given the circumstances the Company don’t think anything of Kili holding Fili and Ori back to the end of the group as they make their way into the forest. 

“Played your part well, brother.”

“Our fates are sealed now. I may not deserve to ever have a lover or partner but you now make that your own fate. Your One will never be-”

“My One is not your concern, Fili. Ori comes first. Besides my One could have been craft-wed. Or dead. Or in jail. Or a complete arse either way.”

Something in his body language seems suspicious to Ori but he cannot pin it down so shrugs it off as something else enters his mind, “What if the Company expects you to act differently now. Like a couple.”

“I will tell them Fili is shy,” quips Kili before marching into the forest to his brother’s shouts of protest. 

*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*

One of the days where the Company is more lucid Kili finds himself trapped in a single file formation ahead of a curious Balin. He, Fili and Ori had been keeping to themselves in an uneasy alliance aided by Ori’s brothers to keep the pack off them. 

It had been a matter of time before their luck ran dry and Kili just curses that it is not Fili facing questions. 

“All that gold you must have made at your trade as a jeweller and you did not drink it as we thought did you laddie?” Balin queries grimly, “No, I think that put food on Dori’s table in times you were struggling to do the same. And I took coin from you back then for services and treated you terribly thinking you irresponsible. I’ll pay you and Fili back laddie.”

“You will not,” huffs Kili as he pulls his bow tighter across his chest and keeps his eyes forward towards the rest of the Company. It grinds that _his_ work is being given credit at Fili’s feet but he swallows it down. “I would take it as a great insult. Sure, I earned coin but what I did with it was my own business. You had services I needed and deserved payment for them. None of us wanted charity and it all worked out in the end. None of you have any guilt here.”

“We were fine,” murmurs Oin, his horn glued to his ear every time Kili speaks these days, “But were you?”

This is directed at Thorin himself, the Head of the family. 

“We endured.”

*_*_*_*_*_*_*_

Ori near bursts with pride for his Amad when he manages to shoot for the boat. He curses Bombur for falling in and ruining it all. Everything goes wrong from there on. When he is thrown in an elven cell he is caught between outrage and just being glad he is out of the forest and away from the spiders. It seems to take an age before he hears the shrieks of his parents and he knows they are ok. As much as he hates Fili he doesn’t want him _dead_ or _tortured_ by elves. And there is something he does not want to call respect for how Fili is responding to finding out about, well, everything. 

He still wants to punch him in his nasty face. 

Later, Ori thinks the plan to get into a barrel is ridiculous but his King, his Uncle, tells him to get in so he does. Everything is a blur of terror until they reach the shore near Laketown. Hearing his Adad declare his Amad is injured turns his heart to ice and he bodily shoves Dori aside, no mean feat, to get to him.

“What happened?!” 

“Orc arrow,” Fili responds when Kili merely grimaces. “Caught him when he went up to pull the lever. He needs to be strapped up. Thorin!” 

“Well be quick about it! We do not have time to spare!” 

“We have been in an elven dungeon for nearly a month. I don’t see how five minutes will make a difference,” huffs Ori and he sees both his parents bite back smiles as Thorin glares at him in outrage. 

Thorin huffs and then begins to pull his own tunic off to rid it of water before huffing out, “Grandson. The boy can’t go through life with just Dis as his grandparent. He will end up spoiled rotten.” 

Dwalin leads the company in teasing Thorin, and more importantly in distracting him as Fili straps Kili’s leg. 

“You shouldn’t be in this much pain from an arrow in the leg. Something is wrong, Kili.” 

“I’m fine,” Kili mutters to his brother, attempting and failing to smile at Ori, “Just get me back on my feet.” 

It takes them an hour to be ready to move and then there is an arrow pointed at his Amad and it all goes to a Balrog den once again. 


	8. when fili has to realise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fili has to come to terms.

Fili does not like Bard. Not at all. He had pointed an arrow at his injured brother. _His mind was not thinking husband._ Bard had turned the arrow on his _son_ when the lad had protested. _It was starting to kick in._ Wrangled the Company out of nearly all of their remaining coin and then covered them in fish. _Right or wrong Fili is fully irate and aware now. His brother is his husband. What have they done?_

Now _two_ of Fili’s favourite foods are off the menu for the foreseeable future. And beyond that well, it just feels easier to focus his ire on one Man when everything is falling apart. Oin has now confirmed the arrow that struck his brother, his _husband_ rings his mind once more, is a Morgal shaft. 

Poison.

There is very little hope for him now. 

Fili curses himself for staying away when they had first entered Laketown and not paying attention either way. If he had even _suspected_ then everything might have been different. 

It never ever needed to get this far. 

Or so he likes to tell himself. Morgal shafts and blades are deadly and feared for a reason. But he can’t go down that route mentally. 

He _won’t_.

With everything out in the open Fili had simply backed away from Kili thinking it was better that way. He could barely look at his brother’s face never mind see the marital braids hanging down the side of his cheek. On top of that Ori seemed wary of him, for good reason, and he would far rather that Kili spend time with him. 

Protecting them from afar was the best he had felt he could do but he has failed in that also.

Not that he has the right to feel bad about it. 

His time alone in the dungeons within Mirkwood had only made him more confused yet determined to stay away. Until Thorin stopped Kili from going to Erebor and Fili knew in his bones that leaving Kili alone was the wrong decision. Ori had silently followed behind Fili’s glower at their Uncle and Oin declared himself needed. 

But it seems it was all for nothing and now their child is going to have to watch his mother _die_.

Fili wishes he had sent Ori on. Forced him forward with Thorin, Dori and Nori to keep him safe!

Kili’s face is white and his lips are slowly turning an alarming shade of blue. The wound is black and weeping and Fili fails to use his body to stop Ori from seeing. The lad looks ready to fall to his knees at the site. Oh how Fili wishes his son had followed Thorin to Erebor and not witnessed his Amad’s fate.

“Hot water. He needs clean linen and hot water. Ori, can you do that lad?”

Grim determination beats horror at Oin’s request and his son scurries away as the Men help Kili to an offered bed. Lassies even younger than Ori if Fili takes a moment to compare. Younger than Kili was when-

“Don’t give up on me now, brother. It would destroy him. You are _strong_ , Kili. Show him that. Show him that!” 

“I don’t think that is how it works, Fili. Y-you have to promise me that-”

“Stop-”

“ _No_ ,” snaps Kili and he grasps at Fili’s forearms with more strength than the older brother expects. He looks determined and devastated and something in Fili recoils at the site of it all, “ Fili...you have to promise me that you will look after him. You have to-”

“It will not come to that, Kili,” Fili attempts to soothe but his ever defiant brother tries to sit up from the table he has been laid down upon and Oin cries out and moves towards them. Fili shoves him down harshly and gestures the healer off back towards their son. 

“Fili. I know he is not talking to you right not but he’s _ours_ and-”

“I will guard him with my life. Now stay _down_.”

“I d-don’t just mean that. Fili - you have to look after him. Don’t...don’t let what happened between us destroy him too. P-promise me.”

He’s crying as he forces Kili to lie down but his brother goes this time at his whispered promises. 

Oin takes his place at Kili’s side and Fili can only back away with tears streaming down his face. Why did it take this to make him see that Kili is not just his brother? He is is life. HIs everything. His only and his _one_. 

And Fili has thrown it all away. He can only guard him now and do his best to give his all in justice.

The chair he sits on is warm but feels cold. The tea the girl offers him his warm yet barely warms his lips. And he knows this is his fate.

*_*__*_*_*

Ori groans and wanders to the landing with Tilda and for a good hour they all sit, and Fili feels like the air has left his lungs. Then Ori makes a horrendous sound and he is back on his feet with one of the human’s knives as Ori shoves the girl towards him screaming.

“Orcs!”

Instinct takes over beyond that and it is blood and rage and death. He defends his home, his one and his _child_ with everything that he has. Dimly he is aware of two elves joining the fight but he cannot be angry. As long as Kili and Ori are safe that is all that matters. And the three human children who opened their home to them. Fili will guard them to his last.


	9. of dragonfire and loss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tauriel comes but so does Smaug. In the aftermath, a new family is formed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fought this chap for so long. I just want to get past hobbit canon and into my vision but I'm over 10k and still at it sooo. Yeah. Kinda big twist here so....thoughts are good. 
> 
> Again, I need to be in a certain mindset for this fic so I can't say when I will update and I'm not the best updater anyway but I do love this story and I actually have the whole ending and parts in my head which is more than I normally have so...yeah.

When the dust settles Fili is left with adrenaline. He rushes to Ori who, for once, allows the older dwarrow to touch him and check for wounds. Pressing his head to his son’s Fili thanks Mahal and bites back a sob. Satisfied, Fili then ducks under the table to check on the girls. Sigrid and Tilda if he remembers correctly. The younger is sobbing into the elder’s chest and Sigrid has a frying pan clutched in her hands. 

“You did well. Easy now lass….let it go,” he murmurs as he pries it from her grasp. He has seen too many traumatised people over the years to try and force them from their place of safety at that moment. When the door creaks he whirls on his feet, steak knife in hand, to find the redheaded elf maiden standing and gesturing towards Kili who is now upon the floor groaning.

“I can heal him, Master Dwarf. If you might only let me closer.”

“And why should I trust you?”

“He will die if you don’t.”

“Fili. _Adad_ , he’s dying. Please. He’s-”

“If you hurt him, I swear on my bloodline that I will end you.”

The elf nods and moves to gently urge the girls from their place and turn the table right before Fili helps her move Kili back up on top of it. Ori cowers in the corner watching anxiously. _Adad. Adad. Adad. Adad._ It rings in his ears and Fili wishes he could savour it. He wishes he had any right to it. The elf, Tauriel, sends Bofur in search of some sort of plant and spends the time they wait on his return pulling various herbs and spices from the family’s kitchen units and grinding them down into a pot. The oldest girl jolts out of her frozen state and makes even more tea though her hands quake the entire time. Fili looks at the fear in young Tilda’s eyes and recognises the attempt to appear for her sibling. Tilda who timidly makes her way towards Oin and sits by his knee. 

On the table, Kili mutters nonsense in his delirium and that pulls Ori from his corner to take the other’s hand and plead with him to hold on. All Fili can pick up from his respectful distance is Kili’s apologies and it burns at him. _He_ is the one that should be sorry. Kili does not deserve this pain and torment. Fili feels he has no right to stand unharmed as his husband struggles for air. 

What follows upon Bofur’s return is nothing short of a miracle but before Fili can attempt to find words of thanks the dragon brings hellfire and death. How they all make it out alive he has no idea.

*_*_*

From the angle at the shores of the Lake, it is impossible to tell if there are torches lit at Erebor. If anyone survived Smaug’s wrath. The five dwarrow sit in shock with the human survivors. Tauriel leaves with the Elven Prince to seek out worse darkness and Fili wonders not for the first time if these lands are cursed. _Should we have stayed where we were? Is a Kingdom not a people anyway? That is how they endured so long. What is a mountain?_ For a moment he craves his life before he knew of Ori and what he did to Kili and it sickens him because who is he to wish for that?

Leaving the group under Bofur’s watch is hard but Oin cannot hear, Kili is not fully recovered and frankly, Fili cannot see Ori as anything more than a child. It had been one thing to know Ori had only turned Of Age months before the quest as a friend but as his Adad it is another thing entirely. He understands fully why Kili fought Thorin over it for months.

The facts remain unchanged though. The group needs to eat and Sigrid and Tilda need news of Bard and Bain for good or bad. From the way Tilda clings to Kili’s side, there is a feeling in Fili’s gut that the girls may wish to stay by the dwarrow’s side if the news is bad. He has no idea how Thorin would react to that but if being the Heir to the Throne means anything at all then Fili hopes it entails giving safety to those who saved the life of his husband. His brother. The mother of his child.

Many of the survivors are elderly who could skillfully navigate the waterways due to decades of experience but now lack the strength to haul their boats to safety on the pebble beach. Fili pulls more than his fair share to a stable docking but takes every opportunity to ask about the family he seeks. Grateful families offer him a little food every so often and by the time he has gone around a mile of the lake he has enough to feed his small group. 

Unfortunately, he also has ill tidings from the sleazy Alfrid.

“Bard didn’t make it. Or his boy. Tain? Bain? They shot the arrow that got the dragon alright but then the tower collapsed. Saw it happen me’self. I went to em. I ain’t a boat driver. Thought Bard could get me out but they were gone. The girls weren’t there.”

Fili nods and thanks him though something stops him from revealing Sigrid and Tilda are safe. He’s met men like Alfrid before. Too many men like Alfrid.

Making his way back across the shoreline he sees broken families and counts himself lucky that Kili and Ori are alive. He does not know his Uncle Thorin’s fate yet but his partner and his child live. It is far more than others have. 

On his return to their own small campsite, it is Sigrid who spots him first and his face must give too much away because her own falls before Fili can say a word. He is grateful that Tilda sleeps on peacefully, curled into Kili’s side. 

The other dwarves also understand without him saying anything but Sigrid deserves more than that. 

“I saw Alfrid. I know you would not usually rely on him for such information but he says he saw the tower fall after your father’s arrow struck true. He sought him and your brother out hoping they could guide a boat out of the town but found them dead. He seemed downtrodden and defeated. Not up to tricks. I am so sorry, lass.”

He reaches for her shoulder but finds the girl already buried into Ori’s chest sobbing. Ori is grim when he meets Fili’s eyes.

“She feared the worst. Says her da would move the Valar themselves to get to her and Tilda if he was still amongst us. They have no other family. I-I don’t know what to-”

“They will come with us,” Kili says quietly yet firmly, not wanting to wake young Tilda. Bofur and Ori look shocked and Sigrid’s howls lessen slightly as she pushes herself away from Ori to sit up better and stare, “If you will have us lass. When we were in need, your family took care of us. It would be my honour to return the favour under the Mountain though I know not what state we will find it in.”

Relief swells in Fili. 

They are of the same mind.

“Prince Kili, we cannot ask-”

“But you are not,” Fili chides softly as he reaches forward again and grasps her shoulder, “We offer this freely. My conscious could not leave you here after all the things that we have seen together. Come with us. If you truly wish to leave at some point we will see you do so with more than simply the clothes on your back and grief in your hearts.”

“And Kili is fine. Now husband are you to feed this family of ragtags or not?”

“Better be feeding Oin and I too,” Bofur cuts in and Fili thinks that makes him justified in throwing a roll at his face.


End file.
